Talking to a brick wall...
Rants & Raves
Almost a smile
—[26-6-02] It's been a long time since I wrote anything here that I knew I would publish. This is, right now, one of three ... rants-in-progress. I am pretty sure that this one will make it though. Tonight I just need to talk a bit. That is, after all, what the whole 'Rants and Raves' section was supposed to be about anyway.
This is also probably one of the last times I'll just rant here. The new
'article' format does seem to be well liked, at least whenever I write them.
I am thinking I'll start a sort of journal for this sort of thing, maybe splitting
my rants section into parts. Or maybe I'll just get a livejournal. In any
case, it's been a while since and will probably be a while until I talk about
myself and my life here.
So what has me staying up at 1:11 writing
when I have work tomorrow? It's hard to say. I've been put in a weird mood
tonight, and here's what's on my mind.
I found out a few hours ago, while watching Cowboy Bebop, that some friends
of mine are after all coming to Austin (that's where I live, for the rare
reader that doesn't know) for July the Fourth. I'd been told by a couple of
those friends that they couldn't make it, and so I assumed the trip was off.
surprise!
It does seem as though those two, Kat
and Liz, won't make it anyway, though. So I suppose that has me a little off
balance, especially since the trip was Kat's idea in the first place.
Kat was online tonight, too. I got on briefly to talk with another friend, Joe, about the trip. I didn't say hi to her—I'm not even sure if she knew I was on. The last time she was, she really didn't seem to want to talk at all, and I wasn't sure she'd want to now, either. Since I left only a few minutes after I got on, I guess it all made sense anyway. It's sad to wonder about whether a friend of yours would want to hear from you—but I know there are plenty of times in my life when I did not want to hear from my friends either, so what can I say? I wish we didn't do that.
On the way home, I listened to a mix CD that Joe had made for me. He's always giving me little presents of some sort recently... I really appreciate it and can never think of exactly how to pay him back. Another friend of mine, Kenny, did that for me once too, and I still haven't figured out what to say. But I'm getting off track.
It seems that Joe, too, may not make the trip. His father is in poor health,
and if things don't work out right, he may need to stay in Lubbock. I hope
I'm not causing any problems by mentioning that here... Anyway. Joe is a close
friend of mine. I've known him for years and gotten to know him... not well,
but better than I know most people outside of my family.
In junior high school, I used to spend
the night at his house from time to time. I got to know his parents at least
a little bit. They're wonderful people, even if I blame them a little bit
for the fact that Joe smokes now. His dad really intimidated me at first.
A lot of people do. But ... I knew him. I know him now, for all I've been
away for three years.
I honestly don't remember just what the
situation of his health is, or how bad things are or will be, but I was thinking
tonight. He is mortal... and someday he will no longer be a part of my life.
Not being my father, I'll probably almost completely forget him one day. But
I knew him. I don't know how I feel about that, but it is unsettling at least.
Sad too... but Joe's mix CD would be a big part of that as well.
All in all, I'm just kinda confused tonight. Maybe that's why I'm writing this. Maybe that's why I have been using real people's names and have (*gasp*!) a picture of me up top. Really, I just don't know. But in the end, it will all make sense.
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Somebody remind me to expand on my forum post from an hour ago or so. I really would like to, if I ever get my web groove on.
Should I talk about myself here? Or maybe just next door? Or maybe across the street at livejournal or blogger... I'll be the one to decide eventually, but if you have thoughts, please donate them! >>
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